Of deism and hope

by Casey(it should be noted, that Casey is more a deist than a theist, thus the inclusion here.)

I'm sitting around on a saturday evening, smoking cigerettes and obviously
surfing around the computer disolving time till, my head hurts enough to go
to bed from staring at a computer screen for too long or till I find
something else to do, then go to bed. I was reading the sites about Hope. I
find that hope is quite immportant to the well being of a persons life.

Without it it's, uhh, well it's hopeless. Hehe. Anyways, thinking about
hope I think about my alcoholism, things I have done and how my attitude
has changed since I quite drinking and using drugs and started going to AA.
Before, I was pretty hopeless. Not like I was this sick drunk living on
the streets and all but, just that I didn't really have any sort of hope
exept getting drunk before I go to bed and wither or not I'll have enough
money to get some brotchens for lunch and still have enough for beer after
work. That, I would say is rather hopeless.

Being in AA for four months today and not having drank or smoked, sniffed or ate any sort of mind
altering substance besides coffee wich I can drink enough at times I think
that I have hope now. Hope for what? Well, I hope to make it another day
without getting drunk or loaded. To be helpfull and understanding to those
around me and not to be an all around drunk asshole. Sometimes, I got it
down pretty good, other times I'm still a wreck. But, I'm human and not
perfect. Being in AA I was told that I need to find a higher power of my
own understanding and to ask Him/Her to relieve me of my alcoholism. This I
did, since I hadn't any hope left, no will power or anything. When
somebody hasn't anywhere to go what else is there to do? This I think, is
what I was trying to explain to you that one night at Pats house. I do
believe in God, and since I have believed in Him/Her I haven't drank. To
me, a guy that has never been able to go a few weeks without drinking or
using is like a miracle! I don't sit around and dwell on how others can
drink and how I can't when I'm out. At times the thought passes through my
mind but, that's all it does. It passes by. Some might say that it's
because I wanted to quit. This is true, nobody ever will until they are
ready. It's just that, I had no hope, I asked God for some, I have some.
Pretty simple.

It works for me and that's all I see that matters. If it
works why not use it? I don't go around saying that you need God or she
does or anybody does. If somebody asks me, I tell them how I feel about the
matter wich I think is relatively easy. I trashed religion out of my life
since,I think, is all perverted ideas of control freaks, and let God simply
fill the viod that I had. I try to keep an open mind to others beliefs and
faiths and don't try to push mine. Having an open mind about it all, it
seems that I can see how so much of the basic principles of religions are
all pretty much the same. A higher deity that rules over all and if your
good in this life you get a cool after life. Me? I don't really dig so much
on the after life, though I have had some interesting converstations with
some witches and others in my meetings about that sort of stuff but, I
kinda like to think of death as a retirement of sorts.

Too many peaple live thier lives hoping for heaven when that seems to me to be a false hope, if
you know what I mean. You do something nice to others only hoping for a
reward at the end instead of simply being nice because it's the nice thing
to do. Nice huh? Not really, I think it's sort of fake. I like to do the
right thing because it makes me feel good. It builds my spirituality up,
gives me hope, keeps me sober. That's it. I tend to lean on the idea, that
religion is the hope of an afterlife, while spirituality is the thing that
keeps you going today. The others can have heaven, if there really is one.
If God has plans for me to burn, if there really is a hell, then that is
His or Her plan for me. All I can ever say, is that I did what I could.

I ask you this - How many christians do you know are really good people with
good intentions and really deserve something like a neverending paradise
with thier threats of hell and accusing pointing fingers? I tell you, if
that's how it's going to be, I don't want to go. So I hope that I don't
have to spend an eternity of paradise with a bunch of sick perverted closed
minded assholes. When I die, I hope to just be plain dead. God is faith,
God is hope as long as one doesn't carry these twisted ideas of an eternal
reward. Since I have made the choice to believe in God, my life has taken
a new direction. It no longer goes around in circles but, in a strait
forward direction that seems to be preety damn good. My mind is open and
willing to listin to others ideas and decide for my self if I want to
accept them or not. I really don't think that God intended for peaple to
take things as far as they go. I really do believe that He/She has a sence
of humor too. I mean, look at us! If God didn't have a sence of humor we
wouldn't be as fucked up as we are. Anyways Mark, I wanted this to be more
about hope and not so much about my way of thinking about my spirituality
but, for me it all goes hand in hand. I hope it makes sense and I didn't
ramble on too much. Take it easy man.