The Gospel Truth From Squirrel

Here is what you all should know. The Church lies, and Squirrel is here to set it straight for you gentle reader.

Here you will read what is to be the first of many Gospel Truths. I hope this helps you to understand the reality of the universe and gods.

Okay I have many questions about Satan and his real name,.... well I know
the
"real"
name of Satan, get ready.....

It is .......

Kip.
Yes Kip. You see Satan is not that bad of a guy... really.... god
has the ass at Kip because Kip is a very successful demigod. And he is also
god`s eldest son. Jesus is Kip´s little retarded brother. The bible is
really a rough draft story that Kip wrote for school, and god had the ass
about it, as it rendered him in a bad light, and it was in a way truthful. So,
god threw it out, and punished Kip with house arrest, and when Kip snuck
out one night to meet his gay lover the archangel Mike, god found out and
was pisssssssed! So he booted Kip out of heaven, and yelled at Mike
(turns out god was sleeping with Mike, and ever since Mike betrayed him with
his own kid, he has had a major sexual hang up ever since).

Now Jesus, Kip`s retarded little brother found the story Kip wrote and turned it in
as his own, and guess what? God loved it! I mean Jesus was the baby, and he
was retarded, so there was a double favoritism thing going, and Jesus was
not gay like Kip. Well okay, Kip was really bi, and pissed god off even
more, but Jesus was the baby, and the story was what we now call the bible.
So we see now how some of the Christian doctrines have been born,
god hates gays because of his failed relationship with Mike, Kip is not that
bad a guy as his story tells us, and Jesus was the nut case of the family, as
we have seen by the bible.

Now, there is more, like the day god met Mary,
and decided to try out some hetero sex, people think that he was
knocking her up so he could be born right? Wrong, he was angry at Jesus for
releasing a very nasty plague a little tooooo early on the people of Israel. So, he
thought it would help Jesus out a little to be born of a woman, and then
play around as a human for a while. After a little bit of time had
passed, Jesus was not really happy being just a human, and remembering that he was
god´s kid, he decided to play a bit with his powers, but being retarded as
he was..... messed up and got himself killed. Now all of a sudden
people think he is god....go figure.

In the mean time, Kip has been very
productive, he has his own domain, his own theme park Hell-oh Land, and is in the
soul business with his dad. There is still a lot of tension between the
two, but they have realized that business is good when they both work
together, and sometimes after a night of drinking they will make a bet. Kip is doing
very well for himself, and has shown that he can make it in the universe
without his daddy to do it all for him.