GodStar The Story of a Wanna Be that Almost Got to Be!
A wee bit of madness you gentle reader! Enjoy!!!.
Yeshua was a small town carpenter, one with a dream! He wanted
to be god, and had studied all of god's moves, words, and outfits
everything. Yeshua would go to the local synagogue and sit up front,
lip-syncing with the head rabbi as he read from the holy scrolls.
He and his friends would gather and play god and his apostles, dressing
up in the robes of the holy men, and Yeshua would lead them on little
pilgrimages. Yeshua would attempt to perform his little miracles
just like god would do it. From time to time, their little group
would get into trouble with other local god tribes. One of the bigger
tribes, the Pharisees, would always hassle Yeshua.
One day, while Yeshua was sitting around the house, he received
a call from god! At first he did not really believe it was god,
so he ignored it. But, god being the persistent little bugger that
he is, kept at it till Yeshua listened to what god had to say. God
had really liked his shtick, and wanted to know if Yeshua would
be interested in a gig. The god gig of course! Yeshua could not
believe it! He had the chance to finally live his dream! He was
going to be god! Of course he had to audition, so one of god's employee
whisked Yeshua away to a mountaintop for the audition. Yeshua was
ready! He knew the lines! He studied everything that god had done!
The start of the audition was nothing all that hard. Just a silly
little question or two.
He passed them with no sweat. The next one though. He was supposed
float down, and have the angels catch him. Man o man, how in the
world will I do that?
Yeshua thought... but then it occurred to him, that the scriptures
he knew inside and out
would get him out of this one! And so he recited the holy texts
to the employee, whose
name was Satan, and smiled. Another part of the audition was passed!!
Next he was taken to another place, and offered the world. Oh man,
he thought, this is
tough. All I have to do is take a position with the roadie from
god, Satan, and then
he would get a high paying gig! Satan wanted to branch out, since
he did not like the
direction that god was taking professionally. There was more to
be made with the new
trends... and Satan was a master of the new trends... but back to
Yeshua, he thought about
it real hard... but then, he always wanted to be god. He could make
it big time and get
all kinds of cash money, riches and women, but would he be god?
Nope, just some employee of one of god's old employees. So he declined,
and said no thanks. Little did he know
that the whole thing was a part of the audition! Satan smiled sat
back, lit up a joint, and
asked: So you want the gig or what?
Yeshua was thrilled! He finally got the gig of a lifetime! His
friends would be thrilled of course. He changed his name to Jesus,
and got himself a sporty new robe, and some designer sandals. He
was ready for the big time now! He was filled with all kinds of
joy and pride that god thought he was good enough to pull this gig
off, and he decided to have a big dinner with all his friends! He
was drinking a wee bit too much that night as well, and started
saying some weird stuff. He remembered some old sayings and let
loose with them, made a few predictions, and also remembered that
Judas has also auditioned for the gig, but failed big time. Judas
had ended up sleeping with god's roadie, thinking that would
get him the gig, but as we all know, Jesus got it. Judas had the
ass at Jesus, and Jesus knew this, so he started talking shit about
A bit later, Jesus was still a little drunk from his big celebration
about getting the god gig, so he went out into the garden to clear
his head a bit. He sat down and started to talk to god about the
gig. He had doubts as to whether he could really pull it off, and
if he was really the right one for this gig. He was a little worried
about the upcoming tour. The first show he did, he flopped, and
people laughed at him. Oh well. He thought maybe Judas should do
But of course, god wanted Jesus to do it.
As we know, Judas was pissed. He could have been god, and he could
have done a greater job at it than Jesus could have. He did not
all the scriptures like Jesus did, but he could improvise like no
one else. He was a good choice, and god knew it too. Judas was sure
of this. But, to be honest, he really enjoyed sleeping with Satan
fellow. The things he could do with his... but we are getting away
from the real story here. Judas decided to go to the rival Pharisee
group, the ones who Jesus got into a fight with at the show last
week. He convinced them that Jesus did not hold the god contract,
and Jesus was infringing upon copyright laws covered in
the book of Leviticus. This was enough for the Pharisee folks. So
they got all dressed up to go get that damned impostor!
They got to the garden, and there was Jesus, stilla wee bit drunk,
and kinda mad that the rest of the boys fell asleep. He wanted to
play abit. Oh well. Judas walked down with a few of the Pharisee
boys, and went up to Jesus. Judas was all over Jesus, saying how
cool the party was, and that he had all kinds of fun, and understood
that Jesus was drunk, and did not really mean those things he had
said to Judas. Jesus was kinda relieved by this, and Judas moved
in closer to Jesus, and asked if he cold have a kiss. Jesus said
sure... and thought maybe now I will get a bit of play. Judas kissed
him, and slipped Jesus the tongue. This was the signal that the
Pharisee boys were awaiting for. Once it was given they moved in,
and arrested Jesus for copyright laws. Peter had awakened to take
a leak, and saw this all going down. So he pulled his sword and
attacked. He cut the ear off one of the boys, and Jesus gave Peter
that look he usually gave him after their little sessions, Peter
stopped and sighed. Jesus reached over and replaced the ear. The
Pharisees looked at this as another unauthorized gig, and were even
Jesus was sent to the head honcho, and was tried for a few things.
Since Jesus did not have a copy of the contract saying he was allowed
to do the gig; he could not prove he was god. So, they had little
choice but to prosecute. The judge was not really into the whole
thing, and did not want to do more paper work, since it was a holiday
and all, so he let the crowds decide what should happen. Well it
just so happened that the crowd had been at the Galilee show, where
Jesus was a flop. They were still a bit pissed about not getting
their money back. Also, a lot of them had seen the one show where
Jesus forgot his lines, and improvised by throwing out the workers
in the temples, so they could not buy the proper sin offering sacrifices.
Boy were they pissed. If you don't have the fans... well you don't
have shit. And Jesus did not have the fans.
Well, Jesus was found guilty, and sentenced to death. (you did
not mess with the god copyright committee in those days.) Even as
he was hanging, he thought he still had the god gig. But after a
few minutes he realised that he was just another carpenter, and
wanna be that almost got to be.