The Creation of the World

Here we have a tale of creation. But not just any old tale. No way... this is the Creation Squirrel style. Now, Christians want me to believe their bible and the bullshit in it, so I want Christians to believe my bible and the bullshit in it.


This is for theists that do not realize how stupid their bible sounds.

In the beginning was the Squirrel. Since the Squirrel was all, there was nothing else. One day while the Squirrel was just being, he decided to make a Tree. This Tree would be the tree of all trees.

In His Tree the Squirrel made all the leaves and all the branches perfectly. He saw that this was good. He saw that the Tree was perfect in every way. Now he needed a place to show how perfect the Tree was.

So He created a large area for the Tree. And set the Tree in the middle. As He watched His Tree, and how perfect It was, he noticed that the area around His Tree was not perfect enough to show off His Tree, it was too dim. So the Squirrel made a large light to shower the Tree with light, so He can see how perfect His Tree was. But he also noticed that it was not good to have the Tree always bathed in the Light. So he made a lesser Light for the Tree to bask in.

He also noticed that next to the Tree, the area looked drab and empty. And empty is not good, so He made green grass to grow around the Tree. And with the grass he made the flowers and all of the plants to grow with the Tree and help show how perfect the Tree was.

Now His Tree was in a perfect place, with the perfect landscape, and perfect lighting. All was good. Or was it?

The Squirrel noticed that there was no one to see how perfect His Tree was. So He made other squirrels in His image to admire and love His perfect Tree. Male and female he made them. Since the Squirrel was all there was up until now, He was both male and female. But since he wanted to do it His way, He made male and female differently.

One squirrel in particular loved the Tree with all his heart. His name was Squircifer, and he was the Squirrel's favorite squirrel in all of His creation. He loved Squircifer, and made him keeper of the Tree. But there was evil in Squicifer. Squircifer decided one day to make the Tree his, and place himself above the Squirrel.

Squirrel found out about this and stopped Squircifer from taking the Tree. He kicked Squircifer out of the Land, along with all of Squircifer's followers, which numbered one third of all the squirrels.

But he still loved Squicifer, and made him a world like the Land, with trees, but not any like the Tree. He also made other squirrels for the Fallen ones to love and play with, so they would not be lonely. But, as this was a punishment for His creation, the Squirrel made other things in this new land as well.... terrible things that was not like the squirrels. These creatures hunted and killed the squirrels as they pleased. As time drew on, the terrible things eventually gained control and dominion over the Land of the Fallen. The Fallen Squirrels eventually forgot their past, and allowed the creatures to believe they were in control of the Land of the Fallen. But there is a prophecy among the Fallen: One day the Squirrel will come in vengeance and punish the creatures and restore the Fallen to their rightful place in the Tree, and Squircifer will be forgiven and partake of the Nuts of Heaven.....

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