The Answers to the First Bible Quiz at Squirrel's Island!

I know you all think I made this stuff up, and I lie about god. Well here you go gentle reader, the verses in the bible that show you and prove to you that the Squirrel does not lie!!

1. What punishment did God say is mandatory for an unruly child?

Correct answer: D. (Stoning To Death) "And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die" (Deuteronomy 21:20-21). "For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death" (Mark 7:10). "And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death" (Exodus 21:15). "And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death (Exodus 21:17)."

2. After God brought the Israelites out of Egypt, how many of their own people did they kill, at God's behest, for declining to give God His due?

Correct answer: C. (3,000 spouses and siblings in a single day) "Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the Lord's side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him. And he said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor. And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men" (Exodus 32:26-28).

3. Who is holiest to God?

Correct answer: D. (A man who avoids sex through castration) "For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant; Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off" (Isaiah 56:3-5). "For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it" (Matthew 19:12).

4. What type of blasphemy yields eternal damnation?

Correct answer: D. (You can be forgiven for blaspheming Jesus, but blaspheming the Holy Ghost is unforgivable and begins your descent into the fiery abyss) "Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men. And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come" (Matthew 12:31-32; see also Mark 3:28-29; Luke 12:10).

5. What words can earn you a one-way ticket straight to Satan's lair?

Correct answer: C. (Calling someone a fool) "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall be angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire" (Matthew 5:22).

6. Why are there clouds in the sky?

Correct answer: B. (Clouds are God's footprints in Heaven and are made up of the dust from his feet) "The Lord is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet" (Nahum 1:3).

7. What causes tornadoes to form?

Correct answer: B. (God uses tornadoes to kill sinners when He wants a quick result, as opposed to the somewhat slower means of plagues and pestilence) "Behold, the whirlwind of the Lord goeth forth with fury, a continuing whirlwind: it shall fall with pain upon the head of the wicked" (Jeremiah 30:23). "Yea, they shall not be planted; yea, they shall not be sown: yea, their stock shall not take root in the earth: and he shall also blow upon them, and they shall wither, and the whirlwind shall take them away as stubble" (Isaiah 40:24).

8. Does God hate anyone?

Correct Answer: C. (He really hated Esau, I mean really hated.) " And I hated Esau, and laid his mountains and his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness." (Mal. 1:3), " As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated." (Romans 9:13)

9. When was Jesus born?

Correct answer: C.(All of the above) According to Matthew, Jesus was born during the reign of Herod the Great (Matthew 2:1). Herod died in March of 4 B.C., so Jesus had to have been born BEFORE that time. But . . . According to Luke, Jesus was born during the first census in Israel, while Quirinius was governor of Syria (Luke 2:2). This census took place in 6 AD and 7 AD, about 10 years after Herod's death.

10. What were Jesus' last words on the cross before He died?

Correct answer: C.(All of the above) "And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, eli, lama sabachthani?" that is to say, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" [Psalm 22:1] ...Jesus, when he cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost." (Matt. 27:46-50) "And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, "Father, unto thy hands I commend my spirit:" and having said thus, he gave up the ghost." (Luke 23:46) "When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, "It is finished:" and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost." (John 19:30)

Well gentle reader, we have the word of god here, and boy is it a messed up tangle of gooooop!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!