Hit The Hole, Really?

• Okay gentle reader, Karen Bradley is here again with another bout of view for us to pick apart, she has a point here I would imagine, though, I am not in the position to render proper comments... enjoy!!

• Public Restrooms
• By Karen Bradley

• Most pet peeves are something mundane and minuscule. People get annoyed at little every day occurrences that drive them to the brink of insanity. I am no different. But my biggest pet peeve is not nails on a chalkboard, or squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, or people forgetting to say "bless you" when you sneeze. Those kinds of annoyances are limited to the effect it has on that one person. My biggest pet peeve is something that effects half our population.

ATTENTION ALL WOMEN! In the best interest of public hygiene, please please please stop pissing on the toilet seat! You have no excuse. I don't care what the men do; I don't have to go in their restroom. Plus, I will actually defend the men on this one. I mean, it is somewhat understandable that a man might accidentally pee on a toilet seat. First of all, they're aiming long distance - somebody's bound to miss sometime. Secondly, they are working with a piece of equipment that we all know has a mind of it's own on occasion. Then there's the issue of an altered state, whatever that state might be: sleepiness, drunkenness, hallucinating, or just simple mind wandering. I can see how the hose might go off its course now and then. I mean, who knows, maybe he had a flashback and thought he was writing his name in the snow. The bottom line is that in this particular case, they actually have an excuse for being pigs and it's their restroom so they can do whatever they want. I don't care. As long as my man doesn't spray up my bathroom, it's all good.

But ladies, please! For God's sake, my sisters of humanity - what the hell is going on? What on earth are you doing in there that would ever cause you to pee on a toilet seat? Have I missed something for the last thirty years? Call me crazy, but I just can't figure it out. I mean, isn't the concept pretty simple? Pull your pants down and SIT. Sit your big fat ass over that big hole and do what you gotta do. Gravity will do the rest. It's really not that complicated. I mean even if you are tired or drunk, weaving and swaying, you still can't miss. Those stalls are usually pretty narrow and if you happen to start swaying to the side as you attempt the landing, you are inevitably going to bump against the wall and ricochet back to the middle anyway. So, what's the problem?

The female half of our society has absolutely no excuse to ever pee on a toilet seat (or a lid, but if you've done that, you need some extra help and should be riding the short bus so I have nothing to say to you) I know, I know what some of you are thinking. "But I don't want to sit on a nasty public toilet seat, so I hover over the seat while I pee and I sometimes sprinkle a little." My answer to this is: SO WHAT! You still have no excuse. You have several options: 1 - Use one of those tissue paper toilet seat covers that are provided for your convenience in many restrooms these days, 2 - If there are no covers, make one out of toilet paper, or 3 - Develop better balance and aim. I simply don't buy the "hover" excuse because I've done it and I just don't see how you can miss. For a woman to pee on a toilet seat, you almost have to do it deliberately. You would have to pee standing up and rotate your pelvis around in circles while you gyrate, to pee on the seat. My dear sisters, aren't we supposed to be the better half? Aren't we supposed to be more civilized and cleaner than those grumpy, messy, but lovable creatures we call men? C'mon girls, let's get it together. If you're doing it deliberately all I can say is GROW UP, and if I ever find out who you are, I am gonna hunt you down like the little tart you are and slap you silly. You don't deserve to be a woman and should be done away with, or you should be forced to have a sex change so you can pee everywhere except the ladies room. For those of you who claim to have sprayed accidentally, I have a message for you: CLEAN IT UP! It's completely thoughtless and trashy of you to not clean up your excretions when you know that someone else is going to need the facility after you. Let's be civilized and stick together as a gender. So ladies, like the sign says: "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie."