God the Musician!!!
By Lord Jereth
- If gawd were to play guitar like he runs the universe.
- He'd design the ultimate ax capable of anything. But it
would be invisible and it's sound would be above or below
the hearing range of any known creature therefore would have
to be taken on faith. He'd create the awsome amplifier then
set it in the middle of space and wait for it to play. But
if it didn't play as he wanted it to, he'd destroy it.
- Then feel sorry and rebuild it because of his love for
it and leave it alone to rot. He'd build himself a stage of
universal proprtions. Making sure the lighting is perfect
and truly magnificent. But, having designed certain flaws
in it, watch it crumble under it's own weight and not do anything
to stop it. He'd hire (create) roadies. Then create a place
to eternally torture them when they screw up the devine cabling
plan since it's so wonderous and extensive that the poor roadies
wouldn't be able to understand, let alone stick to it.
- He'd hire a bunch of these same roadies to then write a
manual of how things should be done. Of course since none
of them understood things in the first place the manual's
chapters wouldn't have any cohesion and would confuse things
even further. A few of the other roadies would get jealous
and write their own manuals, after having read the original,
and try selling them on national TV trying to pass them off
as the originals.
- He'd hire promoters so greasy that no ~sane~ person would
take them seriously. They would say that gawd had run out
of money and couldn't finish the new devine concert hall without
the listener's help then pocket the proceeds for themselves.
- He'd hire bouncers to travel the world forcing anyone who
listens to another band to repent that most henous of sins.
If the listeners would not convert they would be tortured
and killed for the glory of him.
- He'd leave the concert before it's even really beginning,
promissing to come back another time.
- Then blame the listeners in the press for not really being
into it and screwing with the cables again.
- Of course in his absence a few listeners would try to take
the stage, proclaiming themselves personally chosen to lead
the concert. In the end the concert hall would be a shambles.
The instruments broken and warped, and the listeners would
be left wondering if the devine musician ever existed.
- Then gawd would, of course bash the listeners in the press
again for their lack of faith. He, gawd, would then return
to his exclusive penthouse which takes up the entire top story
of the universe hotel and decide to wait out the ensuing melee
with his blow up dolls, the angles. In the interum one of
those angles would gain sentience and try to explain to gawd
where he went wrong and would speedily be fired, sent to live
in the basement, villified and forced to be the janitor of
the place of eternal torture of roadies. "Ladies and gentlemen,
gawd has left the building!"