God the Musician!!!


  • By Lord Jereth

  • If gawd were to play guitar like he runs the universe.
  • He'd design the ultimate ax capable of anything. But it would be invisible and it's sound would be above or below the hearing range of any known creature therefore would have to be taken on faith. He'd create the awsome amplifier then set it in the middle of space and wait for it to play. But if it didn't play as he wanted it to, he'd destroy it.
  • Then feel sorry and rebuild it because of his love for it and leave it alone to rot. He'd build himself a stage of universal proprtions. Making sure the lighting is perfect and truly magnificent. But, having designed certain flaws in it, watch it crumble under it's own weight and not do anything to stop it. He'd hire (create) roadies. Then create a place to eternally torture them when they screw up the devine cabling plan since it's so wonderous and extensive that the poor roadies wouldn't be able to understand, let alone stick to it.
  • He'd hire a bunch of these same roadies to then write a manual of how things should be done. Of course since none of them understood things in the first place the manual's chapters wouldn't have any cohesion and would confuse things even further. A few of the other roadies would get jealous and write their own manuals, after having read the original, and try selling them on national TV trying to pass them off as the originals.
  • He'd hire promoters so greasy that no ~sane~ person would take them seriously. They would say that gawd had run out of money and couldn't finish the new devine concert hall without the listener's help then pocket the proceeds for themselves.
  • He'd hire bouncers to travel the world forcing anyone who listens to another band to repent that most henous of sins. If the listeners would not convert they would be tortured and killed for the glory of him.
  • He'd leave the concert before it's even really beginning, promissing to come back another time.
  • Then blame the listeners in the press for not really being into it and screwing with the cables again.
  • Of course in his absence a few listeners would try to take the stage, proclaiming themselves personally chosen to lead the concert. In the end the concert hall would be a shambles. The instruments broken and warped, and the listeners would be left wondering if the devine musician ever existed.
  • Then gawd would, of course bash the listeners in the press again for their lack of faith. He, gawd, would then return to his exclusive penthouse which takes up the entire top story of the universe hotel and decide to wait out the ensuing melee with his blow up dolls, the angles. In the interum one of those angles would gain sentience and try to explain to gawd where he went wrong and would speedily be fired, sent to live in the basement, villified and forced to be the janitor of the place of eternal torture of roadies. "Ladies and gentlemen, gawd has left the building!"


Click Here to Visit!