You Might Be A Fundy If Page 3!!
- These saying were in a way inspired by Jeff Foxworthy's
You Might Be A Redneck If series, this is a collection
of the sayings from our Ex-Chrisitan List, and is rather long,
but worth the read gentle reader!!! Should you have any sayings
you would like to add the here just send them to here: firstname.lastname@example.org.
All that I ask is that they be original, if they are a copy
of whatever is here already, I will not add them, sorry.
Check out pages one and two!!
Updated 16th April!!
You go to church not really to hear the sermon or to fellowship
with your fellow sheep but actually to wear that new dress you
bought and show that deacon's wife that she isn't REALLY all
if you've ever grabbed a teenager in the middle of a church
service and suddenly decided now was the time to cast those
demons out while the tide of the spirit is high ... and truly
believe it was an act of love ...
Spoken in tongues in a church service although there was no
one to act as an interpreter.
You've ever read a book or seen a movie, such as Star Wars,
the Chronicals of Narnia or The Lord of The Rings and sworn
the author was using a metaphore or parable discribing a biblical
event or phylosophy ...
You've ever wanted to burn your child's priceless First Edition
collectable mint condition Kiss albums or Dungeons and Dragons
books in hopes of forcing them to hear them demonically scream
as they burn.
You really believe that KISS stands for Knights (or Kings)
In Satan's Service
You believe that although the doctor prescribed a beer a night
for your husband as a cheap way to flush a bladder infection
... it's still a sin
Your friend sits hours with you, detailing inconsistancies
and outright contradictions in the bible, proves scientifically
and historically beyond a doubt that some things could not have
happened the way they are written ... and you still parot on
that the bible is perfect and is the only book ever written
that does not contradict itself.
Your faith is stronger than any logic of man
You've ever sent your child Stryper albums in the mail because
it's "simillar" to the kind of music he/she listens
to in hopes of weaning them away from that secular devil music
they're used to.
You've ever based a major life decision on a personal
"word of knowledge" from a visiting evangelist.
After hearing a sermon on the evils of "solo sex,"
avoid touching yourself "down there" for weeks....
(inadvertantly making the temptation stronger--and the
inevitable backsliding that much more gratifying!)
And, a follow-up to "You think that martial artists
break boards with demonic power."
...but the "Power Team" does it using the power of
you think your Social Security number is really the
mark of the beast
you call your child's teacher a "godless heathen"
for taking them to an
you didn't see the big deal about carrying "AIDS Cures
Fags" signs to
Matthew Shepard's funeral.
you think San Francisco is really a gateway to hell.
you think homosexuals and pro-choicers are the reason the
you actually believe Marylin Manson IS the Antichrist.
you love everyone, but will be glad anyway when God kills
all those evil
you see no problem with the argument, "Jake is right
because the book
says he's right, and Jake says the book is right so therefore
it must be
right, which is why you shouldn't eat lobster."
(Continued from above) In fact, you might be a fundie if
you can understand
that but can't understand why the heathens give you funny looks
knock on their door at 6:00 in the morning with religous literature.
you refuse to let your 14 year old daughter see
Chocolat, but had no problem reading her the story of Lot's
him when she was 7.