You Might Be A Fundy If Page 2!!

  • These saying were in a way inspired by Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be A Redneck If series, this is a collection of the sayings from our Ex-Chrisitan List, and is rather long, but worth the read gentle reader!!! Should you have any sayings you would like to add the here just send them to here: All that I ask is that they be original, if they are a copy of whatever is here already, I will not add them, sorry.

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You still vote for Pat Robertson.

The bumper of your car is nothing more than fish symbols.

You view the works of Dali, VanGogh, Poe, and Alan Parsons as works of the devil and pornographic.

You tell your children that Disney movies are the works of the devil.

You think Christianity isn't a religion, but a relationship

You've ever said, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve"

Your best reply to a debate is "I'll be praying for you"

You use the phrase, "of the devil" or "do a work"

You think the Bible is a science textbook.

You think dinosaurs and humans coexisted

You have ever commanded an evil spirit to be bound

You believe Hank Hannagraf and Josh McDowell are two of the smartest men around.

You get sick and believe it is better to go to a Benny Hinn crusade instead of a doctor.

You think homosexuality is a choice.

You think Jack Chick is the best comic book artist and writer of all time.

You despise yourself for your innate "lusts of the flesh"

You take notes during a sermon at church.

You use the phrase "unequally yoked".

You think all other groups of Christians but yours are blinded by Satan.

You think the bible is inerrant and can think up harmonizations for scriptural contradictions.

Your idea of saying grace at Thanksgiving is a 30 minute sermon.

You condemn the national anthem, but stand in respect of Handels Messiah.

Your method of sex education is no education.

When the JW's come a knocking you see it as a chance to win souls to christ.

You have ever spent a day knocking on doors and trying to save people from sin.

All your casual clothes are plastered with WWJD or PK.

The idea of 50,000 guys crying in a football stadium excites you.

You can explain away the murders and atrocities of the Old Testament, and still sleep at night.

When you get a bonus from work, you ask your pastor for advice on what to do with it.

You pray more about car keys than starving children

God speaks to you directly.

If you praised God for putting you in your place because that asshole just cut ahead of you in traffic,

…a VW beetle is covered with xtian bumper stickers and you missed your exit because you had to read every one

…you had an accident because you were following too close to someone with xtian bumper stickers

…you tell the cop at the scene, "Praise, Jesus. His hand was certainly on me."

…you were on your way to the church

…and you now feel like "Just praising his wonderful name", you might be a fundie.

You've ever prayed over a building or location to rid it of demons.

You think that meditation opens you up to demonic influence.

You think that martial artists break boards with demonic power.

God is personally interested in your sex life.

You seriously believe that your church is going to "take this city".

Unimportant events in your life are fraught with deeper meaning.

Coincidences are when God does a miracle and chooses to remain anonymous.

You have ever had one leg shorter than the other.

You use the phrase, "of the devil" or "do a work", 'natural realm', 'spirit realm', 'carnal', 'in the flesh', 'in the spirit', 'the blood', 'the word'.

If you have ever "plead the blood", you might be a real old fundie!

You don't repair your house because "Jesus is coming very soon"

You see the movie "Conspiracy Theory" and

....You feel terribly guilty for watching a movie...

....You wonder how anyone could mock all of those revelations of how the world really works...

....You want more information on black helicopters....

You're afraid that if you ever danced you would become demon possessed.

You thought long hair on men was a sign of evil rebellion, but now you're confused and think maybe short hair is.

You secretly watch the scrambled porn channels late at night after your wife and kids have gone to sleep.

You think that face cards have a demonic influence.

You believe the "slippery slope" is everywhere.

You believe that vegetarianism is demonic and prophesied in the bible "in the last times some will forbid eating of meats blah blah".

You believe you are a persecuted minority under attack by hordes of secular humanist evolutionist satan-deceived demon controlled vain scientific philosophies of man.

You think we need more "godly men" like Fred Phelps.

Your bible has "thump" marks on it.

ROTFL describes your Sunday morning worship service.

You fill one nano-second pauses in prayer meetings with the sound of your own voice

You use the word 'Lord' like a comma or period when you pray.

You take the Bible literally, except when it suits you not to.

You pray for the downfall of major world religions, such as Islam.

You pass out Jack Chick tracts instead of candy on Halloween.

You vote straight--and we mean straight!--Republican.

You regularly pray that the local rabbi will accept Jesus.

While looking in your teen daughter's room, you were horrified to find an Alanis Morrisette CD and a copy of Seventeen magazine!

You've ever picketed a fast food restaurant on account of the toys in their kids' meals.

You have ever, with any degree of seriousness, called a blood relative a "heathen".

A trip to the supermarket convinces you that we live in perilous times.

Your children are forbidden to shop at the health food store.

You believe that recycling, beach cleanups, and carpooling are acts of "earth worship".

Ever since you got involved at your child's school, SAT scores have gone down.

You can only enjoy a movie or TV show if you point out every incidence of sinful behavior.

Everything you know about other religions, you learned from Bob Larson.

You don't believe that Goths, hippies, hip-hoppers or skaters can possibly be Christian.

You pray that a Wiccan shop goes out of business because you're afraid the owner and customers will curse you.

You've just known that your co-worker has a demon ever since she told you to quit shoving Jesus down her throat!

You're against the lottery (because it isn't "biblical), but give credit to Jesus when you win.

You manage to work the word, "biblical" into more than fourteen sentences in one day.

You think atheism is a religion.

You refused to see "The Blair Witch Project" because you thought it encouraged witchcraft.

You think Ned Flanders is a role model.

You think other religions are weird, yet yours makes perfect sense.

You think you have a right to pray over a loudspeaker before a high school football game. (And if you think God cares about the outcome of that football game, you might be a fundie from Texas :-)

You've ever protested a movie you haven't seen because your preacher said it was Satanic.

You've ever listened to a rock song backwards, you might be a fundie. (And if you've ever heard evil messages while doing so, you might be a fundie with a good imagination.)

You've ever done an altar call at a funeral.

You've ever spent New Year's Eve at church.

You still have bottled water left over from your Y2K hoarding, you might be a fundie who feels really stupid right now.

If you still have bottled water left over from your Y2K hoarding, *and you're keeping it because you're sure the end times are coming soon anyway, just you wait*, you might be a fundie who is too stupid to feel really stupid
right now.

Your CD wish list is headed by Carman.

You thought "The Omega Code" was a kick ass movie.

You use the words, "radical" and "Christian" in the same sentence.

You think the Atlantic slave trade was a Good Thing because it gave Africans a chance to know Jesus.

You think AIDS is a punishment from god.

Every story you tell ends with, 'and so that shows that jesus is the answer'.

You're offended by the term, "fundie".

You think homosexuality is a "lifestyle".

On your job application you check "bi-lingual" because you speak in tongues.

You think Bob Larson is a "cool dude".

Your monthly tithe is more than your cable bill.

You think evolution means your great great grandparents were monkeys.

You support the "English Only" initiatives because English was good enough for Jesus and it ought to be good enough for them Mexicans.

You think Israel is populated by Israelites...

Your car horn doesn't work anymore because you've loved Jesus too many times...


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